Long day & it's results....

I decided to start a blog to document our journey with our sweet boy, I know there are many that want to know details of what is going on and I feel this is the best way to explain our journey thus far.

I had a routine ultrasound done to find the gender and at that appointment the tech mentioned that his heart was to small to get all the pictures they need done so I needed to return in 4 weeks for a completion.

We returned in the 4 weeks and completed the ultrasound. I had a feeling in my heart that something was wrong, I couldn't explain it. I just knew.

The weekend came and we received no call from our midwives and we were getting anxious. I received a call after the weekend while i was napping and by the time i saw it the office was closed. I couldn't sleep all that night because after the voicemail, I could tell something wasn't right. I called them first thing the next morning and spoke with the midwife who informed me that everything looked OK but there were a few concerns. He was smaller than they expected him to be and there were some concerns about his heart. She told me they were sending us to a specialist to have further testing and get some more definite answers.

OHSU called us later that week and set up the appointment for 1/9/13 where we would have an echo cardiogram, ultrasound and meeting with the doctor in the late afternoon.

Wednesday arrived all to soon and we left the house quite early that morning to make it in time for our 9am echo. We arrived and had that echo done. Directly after that appointment we met with the Dr. who came in and explained what she found. She first went over with us what a "normal heart" looks like and how it flows, she then unfolded the piece of paper to then show us how our son's heart was working. She explained he had a mild aortic stenosis which in short means that his pulmonary artery was measuring small/narrow but unlike other infants with this problem, his heart chambers measured OK. She gave us a helpful analogy explaining if a large amount of people were in a small room and the fire alarm went off but we all needed to escape from the same door but the door would only open half way, in essence making it more difficult to get through. Same concept, his heart is working hard to pump the blood through the valve. She explained that she would like to monitor his heart more closely and see us in 4 weeks to look at the stenosis and see if it is worsening or staying the same. She mentioned surgery is a definite possibility but she just doesn't know at this point. We felt a relief that it was a mild condition but were still concerned about his size.

We headed over for the ultrasound, had that done, (we didn't get any answers from that test because we would have a meeting with the doctor after we had a lunch break), We then went to eat some lunch and both found it hard to eat. The spirit was heavy and overwhelming and we just wanted to get the meeting over with.

After lunch came our appointment with the Dr. We sat down with the perinatlolgist and a genetic counselor. He went over the echo again and then moved on to explain the findings in the ultrasound. He told us they found that he was measuring 3 weeks behind (he is only 12 ounces) and he should be over a pound, close to a pound and a half. He also explained that the US revealed a mild ventriculomegaly-Lateral ventricles in his brain are enlarged. He went on to say that the combination of the 3 issues they saw (heart, brain and overall size) that he feels that our son could have contracted a viral infection in the first trimester that would be causing his growth to stop, or a chromosome abnormality. He explained the viral infection, depending on the many he could have contracted are most of the time extremely lethal to an infant born with them (He mentioned a few, CMV or Herpes). In the same note, a chromosome abnormality of and extra 13, 18 or 21 could be lethal as well but they cant give us more information until they know what they are dealing with.

The Dr. explained our options, we could continue with the pregnancy with further testing every 2 weeks to check on the above issues as well as our son's growth. If we did continue the pregnancy, he highly recommended we have testing. An amniocentesis that day or blood testing. The benefits of An Amnio (being a diagnostic test) are highly recommended because it pinpoints the above issues. A blood test is not as accurate. He also gave us the option of terminating the pregnancy up to 25 weeks gestation.

He expressed that the findings they reviewed are not looking well at all and we need to make the decision and their would be no judgement either route we decided to take. Another worry of the Dr. that was made aware is even if we continue the pregnancy, there was a good chance he would not survive based on his growth. He gave us some time to talk and decide and left the room.

We couldn't believe in a million years what we were about the sit down and listen to. We cried, prayed and made our decision to have the amniocentesis. I also felt the word of the Lord strong in my heart asking me over "how far are you willing to go to trust me?". Termination of the pregnancy was not an option for either of us and we both understood that the lord gave us this blessing and we needed to see our way through this even if this meant a tough road ahead. As we continued crying & praying, (it had been raining, stormy and cloudy ALL DAY), all of a sudden the clouds opened up and the entire sun was shining what seemed to be just in the room where we were at. We couldn't believe it. It didn't matter what anyone else thought. That was our confirmation from God, the presence in the time that we needed him the most, his spirit in the room with us. I prayed that the lord use us in this opportunity, to be examples of his love and glory to EVERY person we work with in this process. That they will see miracles happen.

The Dr. came back in to ask us our decision and I told him that we will continue with the pregnancy and the amniocentesis (there is a 1-200 risk of a miscarriage with this procedure). We decided the small risk i was willing to take was worth the understanding of his medical condition better and to prepare. I explained to the Dr. that our god is BIGGER then all of these findings and we will continue to trust the process and whatever God's will is for our son. They completely respected our decision and explained that we would be seen again in 2 weeks for another US to see where our son is at and we can continue to make plans as we go down the road based on the findings.

I was taken back for the Amnio and prepped, the procedure was done and we will wait to hear results back in 7-10 days.

It had been a long and emotional day for us but we felt at peace with our decisions. We decided the next day that we better come up with the perfect name for our son. We had both liked the name Bennett prior to all these findings, but we knew it was meant to be when we decided to look up what it meant and beside his name the meaning "little blessed one".

You may ask how are you feeling? and all i can tell you is I have an overwhelming amount of peace and calmness over our situation. The unknown is always scary but we will continue praying, trusting, and believing in miracles and we ask for your continued prayers and we go through this journey with our sweet Bennett. He IS OUR sweet blessing, an innocent and perfect gift from our God, and we are so in awe that God has chose us to be his parents. Grateful doesn't begin to describe.